"If you talk back, you're going to get grounded."
"If you don't get good grades, you're not going to get into a good college."
"If you don't behave with 'class', you're not going to attract a decent partner."
Any of this sound familiar to you?
Many of us have been subliminally (and sometimes not-so-subliminally) taught ever since we were young that love was - essentially - conditional. It had to be earned.
This is why so many of us have developed:
Fear of making mistakes... AKA perfectionism.
Fear of disappointing others... AKA people-pleasing.
Fear of being abandoned... AKA anxious or avoidant attachment styles.
Fear of being authentic... AKA fear of being ourselves.
Again, I ask: Does any of this sound familiar to you?
If it does, you understand why I choose to do the work I do now:
To help those of us who have learned that we must earn affection that we are worthy of it as we are - no need to perform for others.
To rewrite narratives that no longer serve us or align with what we really want - no need to "should" on ourselves.
To help us give ourselves that unconditional love we know we deserve - no need to apologize for doing so.
We can mess up and still be respected + successful.
We can curse like sailors and still be classy + educated.
We can say "No" and still be kind + considerate.
It's time we allow ourselves to be... Ourselves.
We can start showing up more for our authentic selves little by little when we:
Separate the beliefs we can identify as our own from the ones we've subconsciously adopted from others.
Set up boundaries - with ourselves and those around us - to uphold respect in our relationships.
Take accountability for our actions - whether we take pride in them or we want to make changes to them.
Follow through with promises we make to ourselves to create a sense of safety and security on our own...
So let's do it! Let's start showing up and being unapologetically us!
